would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
