my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
