if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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