I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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