I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
