Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
