He kissed a someone with a penis
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
