i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
