I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
