I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
