Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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