So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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