I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Houston, we have a squirter
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
