I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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