There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
