If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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