I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize