So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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