Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
