yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize