K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize