Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
