You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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