So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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