i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
