Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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