By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
