So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
