Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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