My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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