my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
