you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
