no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
