Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
