he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
People in love make me want to vomit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
