i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
