she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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