i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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