The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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