In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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