you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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