OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
