Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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