I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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