Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
