I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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