Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
