I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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