you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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