my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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