so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize