I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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