according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
