She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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