Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
