Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
