I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
