Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
