I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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