Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
