took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
