I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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