chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
did i walk over a car last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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