I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
