i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize