I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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