Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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