So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
