let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
