His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
