oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
