ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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