my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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