i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
