Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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