I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
