bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
