Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am one with the molecules
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
