i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
4 words: hood of his car
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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